That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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