I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
