Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
