There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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