Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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