last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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