Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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