Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
