My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Duck Duck Cougar?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
