I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
