Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
