I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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