i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
where am i from again
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
