I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
