He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize