let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
