I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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