I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize