are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sext me about skeletons
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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