You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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