Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
