Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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