Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
