It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
pop tarts are not kleenex
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
