Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
