Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
