There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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