First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
