well I can't set my house on fire every night
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
