I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
