Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
