It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
