There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
