your parents love me but you hate me
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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