Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
