i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
