Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Randomize
