remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
love makes seman taste better
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize