I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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