I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
