I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
