Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
