Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize