I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
