i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize