I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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