Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
