I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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