my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Terrible idea I love it
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
