It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
