Sober January is a disaster.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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