youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
