Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
