you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize