Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
