my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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