dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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