by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Too much gin, very little bucket
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
