my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
