My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
