Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
