When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
