I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
