dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
