if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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