I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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