absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
