I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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