I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
