meet me or not, i'm out of control
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
