I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
