Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
