it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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