I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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